I Just Want To Be Me

2012-01-27T07:05:00.000-08:00

I just want to be me, I just want to be me, I just want to be me, I just want to be me, I just want to be me, I just want to be me, I just want to be me, I just want to be me…..I just want to be me, I just want to be me, I just want to be me, I just want to be me…..I just want to be me, I just want to be me.

Someone told me in a conversation, continue to be you, and not worry about the rest. God is alive and is the giver, sustainer, and every living breathe. No worries of growth, no worries of show, no worries of when, where, and how, just the knowing that its up to him and not me. I just want to be me. No more living for you religion take a hike, I want a relationship and be, I just want to be me.

Being me is different than you, how you act, how you move, how you walk in your shoes. Don’t be me, I’m no good, I’m a terrible God, with this mask of good. Show me you and what will I do but try to copy the fake and forget this truth, that your no good, I’m no good, don’t be me. I just want to be me. I just want to be me. No more living for you religion take a hike, I want a relationship and be, I just want to be me.

Living in this created world, tragedies, Saduccees, greif, all unfurl to reveal a condition that no one can fix, no one can hide, for all to see, condemn, judge, and hurl arrows to the heart, to be revealed, to be shown, poured out like an offering to devour deaths blow, that’s the seed not me. I just want to be me. I just want to be me. No more living for you religion take a hike, I want a relationship and be, I just want to be me.

Being ok with not being ok, is the freeing truth of depravity, it makes no sense has no hope just ok with not being ok allows the mask to be free from covering reality, that’s right reality, serving the real, resting in him who frees you from your will, depravities doom is him not me. I just want to be me. I just want to be me. No more living for you religion take a hike, I want a relationship and be, I just want to be me.

The greatest promise made to me, is not calvin’s reformation policies, not Luther’s treaties, not Herschel H. Hobbes’ conservative Christianity, it’s living the present reality of what I cannot fix, of what I cannot see, faith is the gaze of the soul upon the face of eternity, that’s him not me. I just want to be me. I just want to be me. No more living for you religion take a hike, I want a relationship and be, I just want to be me.

Being me is hard enough, trying to work to prove myself , I don’t give a damn what you think, don’t show me your words of condemnation and religious heresies, you have enough problems of your own, don’t make me like you, you’re a terrible god and that’s the truth. It’s him not me. I just want to be me. I just want to be me. No more living for you religion take a hike, I want a relationship and be, I just want to be me.

The truth, what is it? You, me, or him. It begins and ends with him. Not me. I’m a boy, who became a man a once religious fanatic trying to make fit God’s plan, I created a box and molded God after me. He was a terrible god because it was me. The truth what is it? What’s true of Christ is true of me. I just want to be me. I just want to be me. No more living for you religion take a hike, I want a relationship and be, I just want to be me.

If being me means living your call, then I’ve missed my call, a goer, a sender, or disobedient is a man made flaw, a religious pursuit, a temporary fix that rides in your veins and helps you forget the grace that once was a present reality that no man can change. Of his own will, not me. I just want to be me. I just want to be me. No more living for you religion take a hike, I want a relationship and be, I just want to be me.

Resting in you God, not me. The reality of you in me as me. I just want to be me.

Welcome to The Porch

2012-01-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

The front porch place holds a special place in the hearts of those who have spent time on the front porch or back porch for that matter. The front porch holds a special place in my heart because it allows me to think, dream, rest, and have meaningful conversations.
The purpose behind this blog is to write about the culture, specifically the culture in religion, amongst teenagers, and overall general themes therein. I have a small view of the world stuck in the middle of East Texas; however, I taste and see the same culture as I were stuck in the middle of the city and the fast paced life it offers.
The stigma that a front porch offers is one of a lower class white trash society to the piety of the upper class who sit in glass covered porches and call experiencing nature. However you view your porch is your business; most people in New York City have balconies, lights, traffic horns, and smog wishing they could live in the country with a front porch that offers the kind of peace within that us country folk possess.
Having lived in the city, the country, and tropical south Florida in the Everglade city of Weston the cultures are vastly different. In these days when technology has let us step into everyones business and open their closets to peek at the junk because we possess in each of us a narcissistic taste bud that seems the need to be fed.
In the religious culture of the 1980's there was a height of new transition in legalism ( a word that represents the deep desire to have a part to play in the decisions of God) when man decided to discipline themselves to right living. By the mid 80's a slow turn towards grace begin to happen, the mullet entered the scene and said that it is ok to appear business like up front and at the same time ready for a party in the back. Grace appeared to a room full of youth ministers who thought that wearing tube socks with high tops was cool, the mustache played a big role in saying, "you know what I want to appear to have maturity without losing my new style hairdo.
The Bill Gather era of discipline showed us a few things about right living, that there is always a step in improving self. These men were not stupid self-centered egotist who just wanted a buck, they had degrees, doctorates, years of service, and mission work. Experience says, "I have conquered my sin, I have overcome temptation, and have educated myself above others to never fall into that trap again.
If Bill Gather lived in this culture today people would know his closet secrets because they would have access to his closet secrets. To maintain secrecy now, I do not recommend a facebook, myspace, or twitter account. The internet has guaranteed us that if we plug in a space to a url, then we are being viewed, watched, judged, and all the while we still want to post our junk.
AIDS top the charts list in the 80's for those who were not protective themselves sexually, it pretty much is the scariest thing I have seen disease wise on planet earth. Today, you don't hear of AIDS as often, I mean Magic in the 90's contracted AIDS and now is in the bidding for the Dodgers. Magic Johnson captivated the world in the 80's when basketball was fun to watch, the ego of the NBA player of that era was non existant at least to the public, and the clash of the titans included magic, bird, doctor J, and yes even Sir Charles. All during this time, Magic, while being a hero in our hearts slept with over 8 to 900 women committing adultery to his wife exposing her to his disease. Is Magic being shunned from society today? Not even close, in fact, he has had more airtime and honors in his name for overcoming AIDS and coping with this disease for such a long period of time, heroic.
The point has nothing to do with Magic Johnson having aids, the point is that people do not want to believe that Magic's addiction to sex hurt countless numbers of people. Who is receiving glory from that? I nothing personal against Magic, it is just how we has a culture and society have plummeted in our believing in others. What has Tim Tebow done to deserve all of this press? He has remained a virgin, made a promise not to have sex before marriage, and the press ridicules him for it. Here is the poster boy for our sons to look up to, unlike Barkley, Tebow is a role model. Tim Tebow has more pressure than anyone to live up to a standard and the press is ready for the moment when he slips up, says the wrong thing, or has a press conference saying "I have messed up!" The fact is our legalistic view of life gives us a license to judge others based on performance. The performance of Magic was phenomenal on court, yet his performance in life stunk. Tim just be yourself, do not change, and even if you do fail in the public media the grace of God has been poured out on you in Christ Jesus, just has he has for Magic. The question is, do we believe it?

my view from the front porch

Jason

The Front Porch Place

I Just Want To Be Me

Welcome to The Porch